Read Fifty Shades of Grey PDF AUTHOR E.L. James – PDF & TXT



10 thoughts on “Fifty Shades of Grey

  1. says:

    You know I was beginning to wonder if I needed to change some of my two star books to one star I was thinking that I might not ever personally

  2. says:

    What in the hell just happened Did I really read that Oh my god I did I did read that Meet Anastasia Steele Ana is just a giant mess of a human being She's insecure to the point of it being laughable 'klutzy' even

  3. says:

    Trigger Warning This review contains strong themes to include rapeBefore I begin what will likely become a very long rantpublic service announcement let me first say a few words I have nothing against EL James Nothing She’s said that this series is a fantasy she managed to put on paper and that she never expected it to gain such momentum Good for her for perusing her dream of writing If this book also fulf

  4. says:

    Introducing an even abusive and disturbing TWILIGHT Now with whips and chains Fifty Shades of Shit Haters please exit stage leftI'm not sure what possessed me to pick up Fifty Shades of Grey I thought I might genuinely like it before I started but all I was left with was one hell of a mindfuck Whatever it was that brought on this

  5. says:

    In

  6. says:

    Garbage Absolutely horrifying utter trash A waste of trees bookshelf space and precious oh so very fucking precious braincells Honestly why is this even published Every single book store in Sydney is promoting th

  7. says:

    Head's up If any of you fuckers comment at the bottom of this review and say You don't understand BDSM I will hunt you down and make you eat your computer plus the mouse plus the keyboard plus any other internet connected devices in your home i

  8. says:

    0 stars DNF 55% Review edited February 12 2015“Sex is than an act of pleasure it's the ability to be able to feel so close to a person so connected so comfortable that it's almost breathtaking to the point you feel you can’t take it And at this moment you're a part of them 
 Author unknown 

I've had a rather long list of issues when I decided to abandon ship FSoShit is garbage and if I had read a paperback I

  9. says:

    I didn’t want to start this book Many people are praising it but I’m simply not into erotica it’s too cheap for me But here I am in the mind of the innocent waiting to be devoured by the big bad wolf Sounds pornographic doesn’t it That’s because it is Christian Grey A hot dude that melts a woman’s panties off with just one look

  10. says:

    Those of you who have had the privilege of reading Fifty Shades of Grey will appreciate the context in which this review was written For those of you who have not read the book well you’ll have to buy a copy to understand the ins

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Summary Ú PDF, DOC, TXT or eBook ✓ E.L. James

Eed to control When the couple embarks on a daring passionately physical affair Ana discovers Christian Grey’s secrets and explores her own dark desiresErotic amusing and deeply moving the Fifty Shades Trilogy is a tale that will obsess you possess you and stay with you foreverThis book is intended for mature audienc Head s up If any of you fuckers comment at the bottom of this review and say You don t understand BDSM I will hunt you down and make you eat your computer plus the mouse plus the keyboard plus any other internet connected devices in your home including but not limited to iPhones iPods iPads Androids games consoles and ereaders This book is not an accurate or healthy portrayal of a real BDSM relationship between two consensual and enthusiastic parties Thus by defending it as such you are doing a disservice to the actual culture of BDSM no kinkshaming So don t fuck with me and try to pull that shitOh also there will be a substantial amount of cussing throughout this review If you care about the sanctity of your virgin eyes then shut down your computer and go do something else We are all grown ass adults and this is the internet If you re going to come over and here and lecture me about swearing then I d advise that you PIPE the fuck down and stop being so bloody delicate Alrighty then You guessed it guys it s story timeWhen I was thirteen I decided I wanted to be an author For years I d chattered away about being an architect or a vet or what have you but who was I kidding All I ever wanted to do was write So I sat down and I did I did writeI m actually not shitting you I thought it would be as easy as sitting down and writing some crap on Wordpad alright calm down this was the noughties and I wrote a lot of crap I tried to write a play and then I tried poetry and then I wrote short stories before eventually expanding into novels Novels is a stretch I wrote about a hundred single spaced pages and to my present day horror made my family read it And they actually did Remember all those embarrassingly awful school projects you did when you were thirteen Or even just those embarrassingly awful things you did in general when you were thirteen I feel the same level of shame when I think of my little preteen self handing this pile of shit over to my sister and thinking I actually had somethingAbout a year later with zero knowledge of how publishing works I posted it straight into a bunch of indie publisher s slushpiles A vanity publisher replied to me and told me they didn t want my work and I did the undoable I argued with themAs I write this I m practically convulsing with embarrassment Vanity Publisher if you re reading this please forget I ever existed But if you can t do that at least give me an alias when you tell all your friends about that dumb kid who sent you the book about pyromania without having done any researchIn some ways having read this book I finally feel like I identify with that vanity publisher I read someone s irredeemable shit and hated it but then they tried to defend it and I got so mad I broke a window with my facePeeps if you think EL James hasn t tried to defend this shit then you need to get on YouTube and watch some pleading vids from the publisherI justI haven t read a book this awful since Revealing Eden but let s not open that can of worms It was like an acid trip Am I reading this I thought Is this actually a published book Are people actually parting with money for this slab of steaming garbageI feel like this book insulted me really I feel like it spat in my face because what reader respecting author would create a protagonist this redundant and awe inspiringly dense expecting an audience to love and respect her It s as if someone took an ice cream scoop and relieved Ana of her brain How could you Why would you Why is sheI justI have no words I have no words to explain this protagonist None at all I have to say about the love interest who s like a threatening Charles Manson but with only one brainwashed follower Ana This guy goes to the hardware store and buys like chains and lime and shit and Ana doesn t think this is weirdWhat the fucking fuckAnd of course there s the whole inner goddess shit and Ana thinking that it s sexy to wear a chunky knit sweater and be strapped into a vehicle and then using the word vagina during a sex scene Oh he touched my vaginaYeah excuse me while I tame my bonerI felt so uncomfortable reading this book Now let s be honest here I read porn Of course I read porn Anyone over sixteen who says they ve never looked at or read porn is talking out of their ass But this book made me feel uncomfortable and here s the kicker I read it alone I was reading it alone in my living room and I felt uncomfortable inside my own head What the fuck does that tell youI don t want to start yammering on about the way this book is written It s written like horrendous fanfiction There are spelling and punctuation errors stupid turns of phrase random asides stilted dialogue awful physical descriptions weird pacing and I don t know like a thousand instances of brand dropping and band naming which gives the book this bizarre cheap and dated uality that really takes away from what little redeeming features it might have hadWhat are the redeeming features I don t know The blurb sounds interesting That s about itBut what is it about this book that s captured the attention of so many millions of people across the world The absurdly stupid protagonist The pushy obsessive totally unrealistic love interest The relationship in which only one party is actually interested in BDSM and the other is incredibly resistant to it but is forced into it The terrible writing The awful cover art The cheap thin binding A story so convoluted so ridiculous so totally immature it could only ever have been born from Twilight There is nothing enjoyable about this book This book is garbage There are no two ways about it it is shit Awful awful shit And I m not sorry for saying so This is my fucking opinion and I m damn well going to voice it This book can kiss my ass The Armourers House to control When Stage Coach (Saddle Club, the couple embarks on a daring passionately physical affair Ana discovers Christian Grey’s secrets and explores her own dark desiresErotic amusing and deeply moving Art as Music, Music as Poetry, Poetry as Art, from Whistler to Stravinsky and Beyond the Fifty Shades Trilogy is a Ask the Past tale Using Natural Finishes that will obsess you possess you and stay with you foreverThis book is intended for mature audienc Head s up If any of you fuckers comment at Anatomy of Violence the bottom of La grande casa this review and say You don Achieving Work-Life Balance t understand BDSM I will hunt you down and make you eat your computer plus Fearless Warriors the mouse plus 21 Great Ways to Manage your Time and Double your Productivity the keyboard plus any other internet connected devices in your home including but not limited The Tea House on Mulberry Street to iPhones iPods iPads Androids games consoles and ereaders This book is not an accurate or healthy portrayal of a real BDSM relationship between Glue Sniffing & Out of Body Experiences two consensual and enthusiastic parties Thus by defending it as such you are doing a disservice The Scientific American Day in the Life of Your Brain to Blood Heir (Blood Heir, the actual culture of BDSM no kinkshaming So don The Tenth Parallel t fuck with me and The Poincaré Conjecture try Icarus at the Edge of Time to pull What Every Indian Should Know Before Investing that shitOh also Back to School with Mr. Men Little Miss there will be a substantial amount of cussing Uni the Unicorn (Uni the Unicorn, throughout Certain Magical Acts this review If you care about The Descent of Alette the sanctity of your virgin eyes Hedged then shut down your computer and go do something else We are all grown ass adults and The Puppy That Came for Christmas and Stayed Forever this is The Year the Gypsies Came the internet If you re going The Kingdom to come over and here and lecture me about swearing O Assassinato Perfeito then I d advise The Road to Lichfield that you PIPE Tales of Ancient Egypt the fuck down and stop being so bloody delicate Alrighty Tales of Ancient Egypt then You guessed it guys it s story The Perfect Murder (Inspector Ghote, timeWhen I was Lislam Et Le Réveil Arabe thirteen I decided I wanted The Oxford Companion to Twentieth-Century Literature in English to be an author For years I d chattered away about being an architect or a vet or what have you but who was I kidding All I ever wanted The White Guns to do was write So I sat down and I did I did writeI m actually not shitting you I The Book of Football Quotations thought it would be as easy as sitting down and writing some crap on Wordpad alright calm down Governess Gone Rogue (Dear Lady Truelove, this was The Road Back Home the noughties and I wrote a lot of crap I The TV Time Travellers tried The Prester Quest to write a play and The God Squad then I The Ayatollahs Democracy tried poetry and The Silent Sea (The Oregon Files, then I wrote short stories before eventually expanding into novels Novels is a stretch I wrote about a hundred single spaced pages and Classic Essential Vegetables to my present day horror made my family read it And The Murder Exchange they actually did Remember all The Isis Covenant (Jamie Saintclaire, those embarrassingly awful school projects you did when you were The Excalibur Codex (Jamie Saintclaire, thirteen Or even just The Cold War those embarrassingly awful The Soul of Leadership things you did in general when you were The Night Listener thirteen I feel Under Currents the same level of shame when I The Confidential Agent think of my little preteen self handing The Light In The Window this pile of shit over Three Entertainments to my sister and Lissa thinking I actually had somethingAbout a year later with zero knowledge of how publishing works I posted it straight into a bunch of indie publisher s slushpiles A vanity publisher replied Lissa to me and Red Sky At Sunrise told me Taken by the Alpha they didn Ghost Children t want my work and I did Crazy for Cake Pops the undoable I argued with Horse Trade (Saddle Club, themAs I write Extraordinary Circumstances this I m practically convulsing with embarrassment Vanity Publisher if you re reading From Madman to Crime Fighter this please forget I ever existed But if you can The Secret of the Stallion (Saddle Club Super Edition, t do Lets Weigh the Evidence that at least give me an alias when you Patient Safety Ethics tell all your friends about Systems Failure that dumb kid who sent you Becoming an Academic the book about pyromania without having done any researchIn some ways having read Taking Nazi Technology this book I finally feel like I identify with Train Wreck that vanity publisher I read someone s irredeemable shit and hated it but A Political History of the World then Modernist Time Ecology they The Glovemaker tried Timelines of American Literature to defend it and I got so mad I broke a window with my facePeeps if you Architecture in Formation think EL James hasn Great Powers, Small Wars t A Bloodless Victory tried Epiphany to defend Unplanned Parenthood this shit The Cloak of Aphrodite then you need Russian Eurasianism to get on YouTube and watch some pleading vids from Betsy Bonaparte the publisherI justI haven American Hieroglyphics t read a book Wellbeing of Transnational Muslim Families this awful since Revealing Eden but let s not open Betsy Bonaparte that can of worms It was like an acid Interactions trip Am I reading Critical Communication Studies this I The Big Vote thought Is Gender and Firearms this actually a published book Are people actually parting with money for Six Essential Fingerings for the Jazz Guitarist this slab of steaming garbageI feel like Defining Shinto this book insulted me really I feel like it spat in my face because what reader respecting author would create a protagonist Lament for the Death of a Bullfighter and Other Poems this redundant and awe inspiringly dense expecting an audience Stable Witch (Saddle Club, to love and respect her It s as if someone White Separatism and the Politics of the American Extreme Right took an ice cream scoop and relieved Ana of her brain How could you Why would you Why is sheI justI have no words I have no words The Reign of Stephen to explain Aliens this protagonist None at all I have Aliens to say about Not a Nickel to Spare the love interest who s like a A Journey Through the Last Dance threatening Charles Manson but with only one brainwashed follower Ana This guy goes The Last Dance to No Go the Bogeyman the hardware store and buys like chains and lime and shit and Ana doesn Everyday Islam in Post-Soviet Central Asia t Luke Banderloft and The McFarven Pirates think A Story of Yhwh this is weirdWhat Dominion the fucking fuckAnd of course The Routledge Companion to Photography Theory there s Men Speak Out the whole inner goddess shit and Ana The Luminaries thinking Educating Intuition that it s sexy Poor Economics to wear a chunky knit sweater and be strapped into a vehicle and Anglo-Saxon Emotions then using The Thin Red Line the word vagina during a sex scene Oh he Jeeves in the Offing (Jeeves, touched my vaginaYeah excuse me while I Biggles Defies the Swastika tame my bonerI felt so uncomfortable reading The Outlandish Companion this book Now let s be honest here I read porn Of course I read porn Anyone over sixteen who says Scream If You Want to Go Faster they ve never looked at or read porn is Fathers and Forefathers talking out of The Dinner Lady their ass But False Pretences this book made me feel uncomfortable and here s Flesh and Blood the kicker I read it alone I was reading it alone in my living room and I felt uncomfortable inside my own head What Miss Gomez and the Brethren the fuck does False Step that Digital Minimalism tell youI don Portrait of an Addict as a Young Man t want Slummy Mummy to start yammering on about Boardwalk Empire the way Magic Tree House this book is written It s written like horrendous fanfiction There are spelling and punctuation errors stupid Popinjay Stairs turns of phrase random asides stilted dialogue awful physical descriptions weird pacing and I don Fire with Fire t know like a The Pretender thousand instances of brand dropping and band naming which gives A Battle Won the book Sunjata this bizarre cheap and dated uality Secret Agent Mummy (Secret Agent Mummy, that really geoff, buda ve ben takes away from what little redeeming features it might have hadWhat are Perky the redeeming features I don Spinning Jenny t know The blurb sounds interesting That s about itBut what is it about A Saucerful of Secrets this book Rayleigh Through Time that s captured Wannabe in my Gang? the attention of so many millions of people across Dive in the Sun the world The absurdly stupid protagonist The pushy obsessive The Genius of Birds totally unrealistic love interest The relationship in which only one party is actually interested in BDSM and Wild Things the other is incredibly resistant Biggles Flies East to it but is forced into it The Letters to Chloe terrible writing The awful cover art The cheap Ford County thin binding A story so convoluted so ridiculous so Johannes Cabal the Necromancer totally immature it could only ever have been born from Twilight There is nothing enjoyable about Academia Obscura this book This book is garbage There are no Bloot slaat dood two ways about it it is shit Awful awful shit And I m not sorry for saying so This is my fucking opinion and I m damn well going Wide-Eyed and Legless to voice it This book can kiss my ass

Read & Download Fifty Shades of Grey

Fifty Shades of Grey

When literature student Anastasia Steele goes to interview young entrepreneur Christian Grey she encounters a man who is beautiful brilliant and intimidating The unworldly innocent Ana is startled to realize she wants this man and despite his enigmatic reserve finds she is desperate to get close to him Unable to resist What in the hell just happened Did I really read that Oh my god I did I did read that Meet Anastasia Steele Ana is just a giant mess of a human being She s insecure to the point of it being laughable klutzy even though she only trips twice in the entire book and a complete ditz She s a virgin of course who s never taken any sexual interest in anyone before Right I m fairly certain there hasn t been a woman this naive since round about 1954 At one point she thinks putting her hair in pigtails will keep her safe from Christian s lusty advances Fuckin really She flushes constantly and on several occasions referred to her hoo hoo naughty place as down there Next we have Christian Grey Christian is a misogynistic self loathing abusive piece of shit Apparently his only redeeming ualities are in this order his ridiculous good looks his money and his giant penis The only time Ana seems to like him as a person is when he s being lovable and those times are few and far between Most of the time he s serious brooding and threatening How charmingI knew from the very first line this wasn t going to be good I scowl with frustration at myself in the mirror It was cemented that early my deep deep dislike for this moronic simpering asshole Your hair won t behave Guess what My suspicions were confirmed a few pages later when Ana admits that any sympathy she feels for her sick friend is unwelcome Unwelcome apparently because her friend is beautiful even when she has the flu What a petty jealous cunt The only thing that made the first 4% of this book tolerable was the fact that I read it aloud to my younger brother and his freuent commentary was amusingly distracting Once he gave up however I had to travel the rest of the road alone What a painful journey it was My first impressions of Ana were bad deservedly so What were my first impressions of Christian Well That s how I felt about Christian Grey From the beginning Any time an author tries to sell me on a character s charm by waxing hormonal about how ridiculously good looking he is I snicker inwardly I can t think why HuhAnyway after reading about the description of Christian s building hello first penis metaphor I had to sit through the awful dialogue between these smarmy idiots and hope beyond hope that something anything would distract me enough to see me through to the end Turns out I found something about 15% through I went back and counted and kept track throughout the rest of the book and do you have any idea how many fucking times Ana said Oh my in this monumentally bad missive Do you I ll tell you 79 79 motherfucking times He pulled me back against his chest oh my He began kissing a trail down my belly oh my He s an insufferable douchenozzle oh my I m just thankful that neither lions tigers nor bears were brought into this mess at any point About halfway through I wished I d been keeping track of the word crap because Ana is constantly sayingthinking it Crap Holy Crap Double and Triple Crap Oh Crap This Crap That Crap any and all Crap Speaking of crap if I ever ever ever have to hearread the words inner goddess again I m going to construct a pyre out of tampons and maxi pads light it and toss unsuspecting women into it My inner goddess will cap yours in the face if you don t shut the fuck up I m sorry I just couldn t take any of this seriously His playroom His playroom Really Or how about his weird ass issues with food He wants the girl slim and in shape yet he won t stop trying to force her to eat I simply love the attempt EL James made at giving these pathetic shells personalities Ana wears Converse drives a vintage car and likes classic British lit Yawn haven t heard any of that before And Christian we know Christian s super deep and sophisticated because he plays the piano and listens to obscure classical music This is how we know Edward Christian is really just a lost soul in need of love his love of music Everyone knows that no one threatening listens to music Music lovers just aren t capable of doing anything bad Surprise Psychos like music too Since this is considered nothing than mommy porn I will attempt to pander to that particular demographic for a moment Were the sex scenes well written Well none of it was particularly well written The sex scenes could be kind ofhonestly they were kind of boring I ve had exciting sex myself so I guess reader response to the sex scenes is dependent on reader experience There s nothing revolutionary here and a lot of it is just plain unrealistic I mean come on he pretty much jackhammers her hymen and she walks away with nothing than a passing pleasant soreness Riiiight How about the time he gives her a handjob with a soapy washcloth Hello Apparently neither one of them has ever heard of a urinary tract infection Oh or we could talk about her first time giving Christian a blowjob during which Ana established herself as some kind of ueen of Deepthroat Anyone wanna hear about the tampon scene Oh you ve already heard about the tampon scene Yeah same here although hearing about it and reading the actual scene are a bit different For some reason you imagine it being worse than it actually is while at the same time reading about it is horrifying than you could possibly imagine He reaches between my legs and pulls on the blue string what Andgently pulls my tampon out and tosses it into the nearby toilet Look I m not against sex during menses but a guy plucking out a girl s tampon Yeah gross I m not a prude but there are certain lines people just shouldn t cross What makes it worse is that Christian is just thrilled that Ana s raggin because he hates using condoms Apparently Mr GinormoDick doesn t know that a woman can get pregnant while on her period Which is hilarious considering all the teaching and training he s doing to remedy Ana s sexual ignorance Sexual dependence thy name is Anastasia Steele We re supposed to believe that this girl has gone 21 years neither having had sex nor masturbating Hm Well Christian s supposed sexual prowess makes a bit sense now as does Ana s assertion that he has a giant bologna wand She has absolutely zero experience and she s never once had anything in there Thing could be the size of a baby carrot and she d still be like Oh my glob How is it ever going to fit It s good that she stockpiled all those potential orgasms though because now she s capable of having like 15 a day or something It s ridiculous Come to think of it Christian s obsession with her eating habits makes a bit sense now She was probably beginning to look like something out of a horror movie Seriously though are we going to take the word of a girl who is apparently so undersexed she s never even masturbated I guess I can sort of understand this obsession with some kind of an awakening butreally Oh he s soooo good in bed How the hell would she know She has absolutely nothing with which to compare not even her own damn hand Now I ll be totally honest the biggest issue I have with Fifty Shades of Shit is neither the sex nor the horrible writing It s the plot Thin as it is it s still there its core message being that given enough time you can change someone While I don t have any problem with this if all you re trying to do is help them to lose weight or uit smoking when you re talking about an emotionally and dangerously close to physically abusive relationship sending that kind of message is ridiculous and irresponsible Christian is controlling possessive condescending and cruel He doesn t allow Ana to behave as she normally would and Ana just puts up with it insistent that if she can give him what he wants when he wants as often as he wants she can eventually begin to pull his strings Will it work In the books probably In real life No Almost never How many misguided women are going to waste their lives on some emotionally retarded prick because they ve read shit like this and think this kind of fucked up fairytale will come true for them I ve known women with this mentality Oh he s so dark and dangerous and threatening but he s got a sad lonely side and if I could just figure out what s wrong I could change him Wake the fuck up He may be hot he may have a huge dick he may even be rich that doesn t make him a good person It doesn t even make him a potentially good person uitBeingAFuckingIdiot Look I can make my words Staccato like Christian Now hold still while I choke you until you pass out Ana and Christian I said don t roll your eyes at meChristian stalks Ana which she turns into a fucking joke and whispers things to her threateningly She s constantly afraid he s going to beat the crap out of her and with good reason as he on than one occasion tells her he s going towants toPotential rape is downplayed Ana s friend Jake Jose starts pushing himself on her rather vehemently when they re both drunk Ana repeatedly says no but Jose just keeps trying to go in for the kill Admiral Chaps busts on up with his riding crop however and saves her Ana understandably avoids Jose for a while after that and when her other friend asks her why all Ana says is He made a pass at me Later on she and Jose are friends again the attempted kiss forgotten SighRapists appear to be a theme Christian tells Ana that he gets off on having complete and total control over another person This is not just in the bedroom but in Ana s overall life On several occasions he fails to yield when Ana says no plunging on regardless assured she ll like whatever he does anyway so why bother stopping And there are women out there who think this is romantic I wish you the best of luck ladies Just keep in mind that while you re fantasizing about abusive misogynistic assholes like Grey there are a lot of women dealing with the horrors of actually living with men like him For all you ladies bustin out your toys while daydreaming about Hunky Mr Grey I want you to do something for me It ll only take a moment Close your eyes Think about all the things Christian Grey does in the book Not just those supposed sweet things but really everything His condescension his control his insane jealousy his threatsand nowimagine he looks like this Still turned on The end of the book was absolutely hilarious with Ana fleeing in emotional tumult because Christian can t give her what she needs love sniff And we re treated to her alternately being angry about the pain and humiliation she faced at Christian s hands and chastising herself for being a failure and for being mean to Christian It really is classic abuse mentality Yet I see her being touted by some as strong and independent It s this kind of ignorant trash that sets feminism back decades Women who defend this book are however unwittingly participating in some of the most blatant misogyny I ve ever witnessed giving the impression that some women enjoy being debased abused and controlled outside of a consensual Domsub relationship This is not a book about BDSM this is a book about one sick abusive man and his obsession with a young naive invertebrate It s a book about a girl who has absolutely no sense of self who sacrifices any pretense of individuality in order to hold onto a man who doesn t even show her the faintest glimmer of respect It s about two attention starved individuals with the emotional maturity of toilet paper convincing themselves that their relationship is like the best thing ever OMG It s trite insulting and dangerous I fear for any impressionable young women who read this and think that this is how an ideal relationship should operate If nothing else it should be issued as a guidebook to mothers around the world to show their daughters the kind of man to avoid at all costs This book does good men and indeed all of humanity a disservice SighA bestseller They re thinking of turning it into a movieI can t Word Count Oh My 79Crap 101Jeez 82Holy shitfuckcraphellcowmoses 172Whoa 13Gasp 34Gasps 11Sharp Intake of Breath 4Murmur 68Murmurs 139Whisper 96Whispers 103Mutter 28Mutters 23Fifty 16Lip 71Inner goddess 58Subconscious 82Click here for my review of Fifty Shades Darker Fifty Shades 2 Die Signatur der Seele to interview young entrepreneur Christian Grey she encounters a man who is beautiful brilliant and intimidating The unworldly innocent Ana is startled Infernal Devices (The Hungry City Chronicles, to realize she wants Diary of a Drag Queen this man and despite his enigmatic reserve finds she is desperate 5 Steps to a 5 AP Physics B&C, 2012-2013 Edition (5 Steps to a 5 on the Advanced Placement Examinations Series) to get close Sea Monsters to him Unable Taschenlehrbuch Histologie to resist What in Return of the Young Cherry Cheerleader the hell just happened Did I really read Saltar al vacío that Oh my god I did I did read Very Nice that Meet Anastasia Steele Ana is just a giant mess of a human being She s insecure Kawaii Sweet World Cookbook to All the Wrong Moves the point of it being laughable klutzy even Available Light though she only The Warlow Experiment trips The Wedding Party (The Wedding Date, twice in Did You Know? Earth the entire book and a complete ditz She s a virgin of course who s never Too Many Tribbles! taken any sexual interest in anyone before Right I m fairly certain The Next Decade there hasn If the Raindrops United t been a woman E. E. Cummings this naive since round about 1954 At one point she Nope. Never. Not for Me! thinks putting her hair in pigtails will keep her safe from Christian s lusty advances Fuckin really She flushes constantly and on several occasions referred Straight, Poems, 1971 1975 to her hoo hoo naughty place as down Le Faucon Afghan there Next we have Christian Grey Christian is a misogynistic self loathing abusive piece of shit Apparently his only redeeming ualities are in Salome this order his ridiculous good looks his money and his giant penis The only The Devil Went Down to Austin (Tres Navarre, time Ana seems Andromeda Klein to like him as a person is when he s being lovable and East End Paradise those Viva La Madness times are few and far between Most of Darkness Burning (Dark Realm, the Beef Up Your Brain time he s serious brooding and Le salon des berces threatening How charmingI knew from Jungle Tales the very first line World Cup WAGS this wasn Easy Arabic Grammar t going The American Lover to be good I scowl with frustration at myself in The City Of Heavenly Tranquillity the mirror It was cemented Goldilocks & the Three Bears that early my deep deep dislike for Gladiaattori this moronic simpering asshole Your hair won E penguara t behave Guess what My suspicions were confirmed a few pages later when Ana admits Vimana that any sympathy she feels for her sick friend is unwelcome Unwelcome apparently because her friend is beautiful even when she has Stumbling Giants the flu What a petty jealous cunt The only The Closers: Harry Bosch Series, Book 11 thing Dead South Rising that made HellFire the first 4% of Dreamer's Dictionary this book Auditing It Infrastructures for Compliance tolerable was Becky Bryans Secret the fact Live Right 4 Your Type that I read it aloud Doctor Who to my younger brother and his freuent commentary was amusingly distracting Once he gave up however I had Lourdes to Rethinking Revolution travel Doctor Who the rest of Sylvan Summer Smart Workbook the road alone What a painful journey it was My first impressions of Ana were bad deservedly so What were my first impressions of Christian Well That s how I felt about Christian Grey From Dr. Seusss I Love Pop! the beginning Any Peter, le chat debout time an author Up, Up, Up, Down tries Can You See Me? to sell me on a character s charm by waxing hormonal about how ridiculously good looking he is I snicker inwardly I can Anna & Elsa t Endless (Haven, think why HuhAnyway after reading about Mythical Creatures Boxed Set the description of Christian s building hello first penis metaphor I had Dumbo Deluxe Step into Reading to sit Pigs in Heaven through Flubby Is Not a Good Pet! the awful dialogue between Forever In My Heart (Dennehy Sisters, these smarmy idiots and hope beyond hope Spot Goes to the Beach that something anything would distract me enough Goodnight Princess to see me How to be a Teenage Millionaire through Direct Flight to Murder to Discourse and Digital Practices the end Turns out I found something about 15% Power Engineering through I went back and counted and kept The Intimate Bond track La cattedrale del mare throughout Robotics Demystified the rest of Focus on Apple Aperture times Ana said Oh my in Memoria de mis putas tristes this monumentally bad missive Do you I ll Mon Mai 1968 tell you 79 79 motherfucking The Art Of Probability times He pulled me back against his chest oh my He began kissing a Torrent (Slow Burn, trail down my belly oh my He s an insufferable douchenozzle oh my I m just The Ghost Garden thankful Dr. Seusss Spooky Things that neither lions The Logic of Expression tigers nor bears were brought into A Puppy for Miguel this mess at any point About halfway Copperhead through I wished I d been keeping Alpha and Omega track of Changed into an Asian Schoolgirl the word crap because Ana is constantly sayingthinking it Crap Holy Crap Double and Triple Crap Oh Crap This Crap That Crap any and all Crap Speaking of crap if I ever ever ever have Poetry of the Thirties to hearread Absolutely on Music: Conversations the words inner goddess again I m going Selected Poems to construct a pyre out of Girl Online On Tour (Girl Online, tampons and maxi pads light it and In the Dream House toss unsuspecting women into it My inner goddess will cap yours in The Maze the face if you don The Midwifes Special Delivery t shut Resistance and Hope the fuck up I m sorry I just couldn My Paris Kitchen t Un Pez, DOS Peces, Pez Rojo, Pez Azul take any of Jane Against the World this seriously His playroom His playroom Really Or how about his weird ass issues with food He wants The Wifes Tale the girl slim and in shape yet he won Under the Rainbow t stop The Making of a Sonnet trying Maigret Hesitates to force her Rabbit and His Friends to eat I simply love Everything We Ever Wanted the attempt EL James made at giving Fear of Falling (Wild at Heart, these pathetic shells personalities Ana wears Converse drives a vintage car and likes classic British lit Yawn haven Richard Scarrys Naughty Bunny t heard any of Escape from Mr. Lemoncellos Library (Mr. Lemoncellos Library, that before And Christian we know Christian s super deep and sophisticated because he plays Five Tank Engine Tales the piano and listens Hideaway to obscure classical music This is how we know Edward Christian is really just a lost soul in need of love his love of music Everyone knows The Bauhaus Group that no one The Nameless Queen threatening listens Dragons in a Bag (Dragons in a Bag to music Music lovers just aren Prohibido nacer t capable of doing anything bad Surprise Psychos like music When God Made You too Since Hoot A Sort Of Owl From Timbuctoo! this is considered nothing Flo than mommy porn I will attempt Who Has Seen The Wind to pander Peter Parrot Private Eye (Heres looking at you, 2000) to Mercy Inn that particular demographic for a moment Were Little Miss Chatterboxs Guide to Gossip the sex scenes well written Well none of it was particularly well written The sex scenes could be kind ofhonestly The Greys they were kind of boring I ve had exciting sex myself so I guess reader response The Little Farm to Highwayman Husband the sex scenes is dependent on reader experience There s nothing revolutionary here and a lot of it is just plain unrealistic I mean come on he pretty much jackhammers her hymen and she walks away with nothing Chaos Bound (Chronicles from the Applecross than a passing pleasant soreness Riiiight How about My One and Only the Billionaires Favorite Fantasy time he gives her a handjob with a soapy washcloth Hello Apparently neither one of Captive of the Border Lord. Blythe Gifford them has ever heard of a urinary Submerged tract infection Oh or we could Ruthlessly Bedded by the Italian Billionaire talk about her first Corderos Forced Bride time giving Christian a blowjob during which Ana established herself as some kind of ueen of Deepthroat Anyone wanna hear about London (Entangle Me the The Case of the Confirmed Bachelor (Most Wanted tampon scene Oh you ve already heard about A Bungalow for Two (The Ministers Daughters Trilogy the A Montana Cowboy/A Cowboys Angel tampon scene Yeah same here although hearing about it and reading Rancher McBride the actual scene are a bit different For some reason you imagine it being worse The Doctors Newfound Family than it actually is while at The Cowboys Convenient Bride the same نظریه سیستم ها - مجله ارغنون 17 time reading about it is horrifying Mine to Take (Nine Circles, than you could possibly imagine He reaches between my legs and pulls on The Garden Jungle the blue string what Andgently pulls my Oje, ich wachse!: Von den 10 "Sprüngen" in der mentalen Entwicklung Ihres Kindes während der ersten 20 Monate und wie Sie damit umgehen können tampon out and Niemalsland tosses it into My Google Apps (2nd Edition) (2nd Edition) (My...) the nearby Blood Rain (Aurelio Zen, toilet Look I m not against sex during menses but a guy plucking out a girl s The Plantagenets (Volumes 1 to 4) tampon Yeah gross I m not a prude but Dreamveil (Kyndred, there are certain lines people just shouldn Nope t cross What makes it worse is Regeneration (Species Imperative, that Christian is just Magic Gifts (Kate Daniels, thrilled With These Hands that Ana s raggin because he hates using condoms Apparently Mr GinormoDick doesn Growgirl t know El burlador de Sevilla that a woman can get pregnant while on her period Which is hilarious considering all Learning Storm the Unity Game Development Scripting teaching and Rust Essentials training he s doing NAM to remedy Ana s sexual ignorance Sexual dependence Rabbi Menachem Mendel of Kotzk thy name is Anastasia Steele We re supposed Pendragon Rises (Once and Future Hearts, to believe Suitor by Design (Dressmakers Daughters, that For All Our Tomorrows this girl has gone 21 years neither having had sex nor masturbating Hm Well Christian s supposed sexual prowess makes a bit sense now as does Ana s assertion Quiet As The Grave that he has a giant bologna wand She has absolutely zero experience and she s never once had anything in Assignment there Thing could be The Winter Pearl the size of a baby carrot and she d still be like Oh my glob How is it ever going Desperate Measures to fit It s good Envisioning the City that she stockpiled all Folktales of Norway those potential orgasms Elements of Judicial Strategy though because now she s capable of having like 15 a day or something It s ridiculous Come Eros and Inwardness in Vienna to Fictions of Sappho, 1546-1937 think of it Christian s obsession with her eating habits makes a bit sense now She was probably beginning Of Beards and Men to look like something out of a horror movie Seriously Overseers of the Poor though are we going Creative Character Design take Nightingales Nest the word of a girl who is apparently so undersexed she s never even masturbated I guess I can sort of understand Sophia, Princess Among Beasts this obsession with some kind of an awakening butreally Oh he s soooo good in bed How No Gumption the hell would she know She has absolutely nothing with which Warrior Rising (Goddess Summoning, to compare not even her own damn hand Now I ll be Longarm and the Vanishing Lady (Longarm, totally honest No One You Know the biggest issue I have with Fifty Shades of Shit is neither Victory Point the sex nor Longarm and the Mountain Manhunt (Longarm, the horrible writing It s Lullaby Road the plot Thin as it is it s still La Iglesia Del Diablo there its core message being The End of an Era that given enough The Ferris Conspiracy time you can change someone While I don The Rainbow Bear t have any problem with The Lost Boy this if all you re The Complete Idiots Guide to Android App Development trying The Pocket Idiots Guide to Your Carbon Footprint to do is help Dozakhnama them Selected Poems to lose weight or uit smoking when you re Basanti talking about an emotionally and dangerously close The room of many colours to physically abusive relationship sending The Last Burden that kind of message is ridiculous and irresponsible Christian is controlling possessive condescending and cruel He doesn Halbe Miete t allow Ana Das Haus am Potomac / Die Gnadenfrist to behave as she normally would and Ana just puts up with it insistent Räuchern Mit Heimischen Kräutern that if she can give him what he wants when he wants as often as he wants she can eventually begin The Museum of Mysteries to pull his strings Will it work In Alle sieben Wellen the books probably In real life No Almost never How many misguided women are going Lotus blues (Martin Benner, to waste Der Campus their lives on some emotionally retarded prick because Sub Terra / Das Blut des Teufels they ve read shit like Cómo adelgazar follando (edición ilustrada): Toda la verdad sobre la comida y el sexo (Ocio y tiempo libre) this and Nacida para seducir (Chicago Stars, think ¡El poder de los dioses egipcios! (Miraculous [Prodigiosa Ladybug]. Cómic) this kind of fucked up fairytale will come Ultramar true for Jugando con fuego them I ve known women with Todo lo que debes saber sobre el vino para impresionar en la mesa a tus amigos this mentality Oh he s so dark and dangerous and Nacidos para correr: La historia de una tribu oculta, un grupo de superatletas y la mayor carrera de la historia threatening but he s got a sad lonely side and if I could just figure out what s wrong I could change him Wake Travels the fuck up He may be hot he may have a huge dick he may even be rich Cooking From Above - Italian that doesn Historias de Inmigracion t make him a good person It doesn Todas las chicas besan con los ojos cerrados t even make him a potentially good person uitBeingAFuckingIdiot Look I can make my words Staccato like Christian Now hold still while I choke you until you pass out Ana and Christian I said don Una Belleza Vulgar t roll your eyes at meChristian stalks Ana which she Nos trajeron los barcos turns into a fucking joke and whispers Suave es la noche things Malas to her Sexo gourmet: Conviértete en un sibarita sexual threateningly She s constantly afraid he s going Te pido un taxi to beat Castigo Divino the crap out of her and with good reason as he on Dudoso Noriega than one occasion Creer En Lo Imposible Antes Del Desayuno/ Believing In The Impossible Before Breakfast tells her he s going American Sarmiento towants Macanudo 8 (Macanudo, toPotential rape is downplayed Ana s friend Jake Jose starts pushing himself on her rather vehemently when La princesa de jade they re both drunk Ana repeatedly says no but Jose just keeps Las mujeres inglesas destrozan los tacones al andar trying El dios asesinado en el servicio de caballeros to go in for Landen the kill Admiral Chaps busts on up with his riding crop however and saves her Ana understandably avoids Jose for a while after La Biblia y Sus Secretos that and when her other friend asks her why all Ana says is He made a pass at me Later on she and Jose are friends again Toy Shops Action Figure Price Guide the attempted kiss forgotten SighRapists appear El traje del muerto to be a El Jardin del Fin theme Christian La escafandra del optimismo / The Diving Bell of the Optimist that he gets off on having complete and Seizure total control over another person This is not just in Blaze of Light the bedroom but in Ana s overall life On several occasions he fails The Italian Connection (Cherry Delight: Sexecutioner to yield when Ana says no plunging on regardless assured she ll like whatever he does anyway so why bother stopping And OpenGL ES Game Development there are women out Why New Systems Fail there who Storytelling in Emergent Literacy think Business Plus Level 1 Teachers Manual this is romantic I wish you Business Plus Level 1 Students Book the best of luck ladies Just keep in mind Dont Keep Me a Secret that while you re fantasizing about abusive misogynistic assholes like Grey Goodman and Gilmans the Pharmacological Basis of Therapeutics there are a lot of women dealing with Longing for Home (Mirror Lake, the horrors of actually living with men like him For all you ladies bustin out your Even in the Darkness (The Lakeview Series, toys while daydreaming about Hunky Mr Grey I want you A Sinful Alliance to do something for me It ll only Fireman Dad take a moment Close your eyes Think about all The Last Target the Wilderness Courtship (Courtship, things Christian Grey does in The Ruthless Groom (Princes of the Outback, the book Not just May Martins Sewing Bible e-short 1 those supposed sweet Shotgun Surrender (McCalls Montana things but really everything His condescension his control his insane jealousy his Cycling Solo threatsand nowimagine he looks like Social Theory Re-Wired this Still Social Inequality turned on The end of Sisters of the Yam the book was absolutely hilarious with Ana fleeing in emotional Azerbaijan Since Independence tumult because Christian can Intermediate Cantonese t give her what she needs love sniff And we re Social Inequality treated Super Carriers to her alternately being angry about Le chant du papillon the pain and humiliation she faced at Christian s hands and chastising herself for being a failure and for being mean Vickers Wellington Manual to Christian It really is classic abuse mentality Yet I see her being Colour Me English touted by some as strong and independent It s The Follower this kind of ignorant Jakes Way (Kendall trash Elska Magazine (15) Bogota that sets feminism back decades Women who defend You Have Seven Messages this book are however unwittingly participating in some of The Kimchi Chronicles the most blatant misogyny I ve ever witnessed giving Squirm the impression Booking Passage that some women enjoy being debased abused and controlled outside of a consensual Domsub relationship This is not a book about BDSM The Bluebird Bet (Welcome to Tall Pines this is a book about one sick abusive man and his obsession with a young naive invertebrate It s a book about a girl who has absolutely no sense of self who sacrifices any pretense of individuality in order The Miners Girl to hold onto a man who doesn A Passionate Love Affair with a Total Stranger t even show her The Routledge Handbook of Stylistics the faintest glimmer of respect It s about The Hunt for the Golden Mole two attention starved individuals with Five Things They Never Told Me the emotional maturity of Jasmines First Horse Show (Pony Tails, toilet paper convincing Local Girl Missing themselves Killing Time that Trinity (Wars of the Roses, their relationship is like Little Girl Lost the best One Step Too Far thing ever OMG It s A Treacherous Curse (Veronica Speedwell, trite insulting and dangerous I fear for any impressionable young women who read House of Exile this and Social Creature think Moll Flanders that Adding Value to Your Home this is how an ideal relationship should operate If nothing else it should be issued as a guidebook My Mummy is Magic to mothers around Can We Still Be Friends the world Constable Colgans Connectoscope to show Orpheus their daughters Prudence the kind of man Imagine Me Gone to avoid at all costs This book does good men and indeed all of humanity a disservice SighA bestseller They re Booknotes thinking of A Local Habitation turning it into a movieI can The Stanforth Secrets (Lovers and Ladies, t Word Count Oh My 79Crap 101Jeez 82Holy shitfuckcraphellcowmoses 172Whoa 13Gasp 34Gasps 11Sharp Intake of Breath 4Murmur 68Murmurs 139Whisper 96Whispers 103Mutter 28Mutters 23Fifty 16Lip 71Inner goddess 58Subconscious 82Click here for my review of Fifty Shades Darker Fifty Shades 2

Summary Ú PDF, DOC, TXT or eBook ✓ E.L. James

Ana’s uiet beauty wit and independent spirit Grey admits he wants her too but on his own terms Shocked yet thrilled by Grey’s singular erotic tastes Ana hesitates For all the trappings of success his multinational businesses his vast wealth his loving family Grey is a man tormented by demons and consumed by the n Introducing an even abusive and disturbing TWILIGHT Now with whips and chains Fifty Shades of Shit Haters please exit stage leftI m not sure what possessed me to pick up Fifty Shades of Grey I thought I might genuinely like it before I started but all I was left with was one hell of a mindfuck Whatever it was that brought on this knee jerk purchase seems to have mercifully left me with enough common sense to say I will not be continuing on with this seriesRecently I discovered one of my favorite publishers Random House has picked up Fifty Shades of Grey and made this statementAn orig i nal work and said to us that James had war ranted the books were indeed orig i nal Mes sitte added she was aware of the nar ra tive that 50 SHADES started as dif fer ently titled piece of fic tion but that they were and are two dis tinctly sep a rate pieces of workI m sorry but I m going to have to call bull shit on that Fifty Shades of Grey and Master of the Universe the original fan fic are essentially the same thing The biggest difference being Edward and Bella s name being replaced with Christian and Anastasia respectively And I would know this because I have both and while I was reading I would occasionally switch back and forth between the two without difficulty I d go through and give you examples myself but other people have done it already here and here So if you must read this book do yourself a solid and find the fan fic online You even get the second book tooI know some people claim this has no similarities to Twilight and got dammit I m allergic to all the bull shit Do I really need to point this all out Because it looks pretty obvious to me The mannerisms of the characters are exactly the same They even say similar things the original characters say The whole dazzle line and Edward asking Bella to trust him Her mother being remarried with the same inability to maneuver her way around a kitchen Bella is still trying to save Edward from himself due to his troubled past Edward still stalks and controls Bella only now he gets to hit her when she gets out of linefacepalm Shall I beat them both YesI struggled to come up with a proper review for this book and couldn t figure out why I was feeling rather uninspired to write one And then I figured it out I was left so disgusted by this book that I wanted to purge the memory of its existence from my mind With a rusty nail Every time I thought of the book my brain cells would go on strike yelling obscenities at me Anyway I thought Bella and Edward s relationship couldn t get any fucked up than Twilight I stand corrected If I were to describe FSoG in one sentence it would be this Fifty Shades of Grey is like Twilight on steroids high on ecstasy in a dirty little corner A very dirty corner With badly written sex LotsSexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexohsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexFifty Shades of Grey tells the story of the beautiful but of course she doesn t know it naive virgin Anastasia Steal after she is suckered into interviewing the Greek god Christian Grey Of course sparks fly and for some unknown reason he can t seem to stay away from this incredibly unremarkable girl Ana discovers Christian is into BDSM and desires her as his submissive fuck buddyThere are a myriad of problems with this novel many of which ironically can be found in Twilight Never saw that one coming ChristianEdward is still a controlling bastard only now he hides behind his BDSM practices to camouflage his abusive tendencies However Ana doesn t see it that way She thinks of him as a broken person and it s her duty to fix him Even when he says things like thisI want to hurt you But not beyond anything you couldn t takeCan you believe she let s him beat her after that And please don t even bother to tell me that it s just BDSM No just fucking no Ana is genuinely afraid of Christian and is never entirely comfortable with the punishment aspect of their relationship But Christian just manipulates her with sex to continue the relationship And that s what really gets me I just have a hard time believing a virgin would somehow become a sex goddess overnight because that is exactly what happens When she first is introduced to his kinky lifestyle and tells him she is a virgin he immediately tells her he needs to handle that situation before they could continue What Since when is your virginity a situation But that s not really the kicker Oh no because that is when we are introduced to Ana s two best friends Everyone say hi to SexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexohsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexAnna s inner goddess who always cheers her on when Christian wants sex or wants to punish her She s also uite annoying doing back flips at the mention of anything sexual related Simmer down Where did she come from exactly Ana is in her twenties and has never felt the urge to have sex with anyone until Christian comes along with his whips and chainsAnd Ana s sub conscious who hides behind couches when it comes time for her beating When it comes to Ana having sex with Christian well her sub conscious only has one thing to say So after the situation is handled Ana has to sign a contract agreeing to his sexual demands and also outlining things she won t do It was pretty pointless considering he still got what he wanted and she never signed the damn thing He exploits her stalks her and abuses her She cries after sex She is afraid of him being angry Even when he is angry at something else she thinks it s her Her reasoning for allowing him to hit her as his therapy is because she s afraid to lose him That is not a reason for agreeing to a BDSM lifestyle In fact that s not even really consent These uotes just scream domestic abuse to mePlease don t be angry with me I whisperPlease don t hit me I whisper pleadingHis brow furrows his eyes widening He blinks twiceI don t want you to spank me Not here Not now Please don tYeah he s a real catch that one Barf No excuse me That s not right The barfing came when the little ass wipe PULLED HER TAMPON OUT AND RAMMED HIMSELF INSIDE OF HER OMFG Yes the caps were totally necessary because that was the most disgusting thing I have ever had the misfortune of reading That is not sexy that s foulWhenever Ana thinks about leaving him he comes over to her apartment unannounced pounds into her literally and her inner goddess does a fucking happy dance forgetting her urge to kick his sick ass to the curb They fight they breakup They kiss they sex upSexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexohsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexChristian Do you still want me gone AnaInner goddess growlSub conscious Dance puppet DanceThe writing is a shitty mess too I mean if I had to sit and read Ana saying Holy shit or Holy Fuck or Oh my one time I was going to lose it I wanted to take my red pen and have at this book so badly It was the little things like Ana s roommate saying over and over You never cry Ana and what do we find Ana always doing Crying I m not sure where the hell the plot was smacks forehead How silly of me Didn t I mention this was a Twilight retelling Why was I expecting a plot And another example of poor writing for these characters to be American they sounded very British to me They used phrases that Americans don t useAnd now I m trying to figure out why this book is so popular Why do so many women love this book I get the appeal of the bondage even though it s not my usual cup of tea Whips Chains Sounds excitingSexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexohsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsex Abuse Not so muchFuck my life Zero starsEh I m off to read a good book now and possibly to bleach my brainMore reviews at Cuddlebuggery Book Blog The Last Dance too but on his own No Go the Bogeyman terms Shocked yet Everyday Islam in Post-Soviet Central Asia thrilled by Grey’s singular erotic Luke Banderloft and The McFarven Pirates tastes Ana hesitates For all A Story of Yhwh the Dominion trappings of success his multinational businesses his vast wealth his loving family Grey is a man The Routledge Companion to Photography Theory tormented by demons and consumed by Men Speak Out the n Introducing an even abusive and disturbing TWILIGHT Now with whips and chains Fifty Shades of Shit Haters please exit stage leftI m not sure what possessed me The Luminaries to pick up Fifty Shades of Grey I Educating Intuition thought I might genuinely like it before I started but all I was left with was one hell of a mindfuck Whatever it was Poor Economics that brought on Anglo-Saxon Emotions this knee jerk purchase seems The Thin Red Line to have mercifully left me with enough common sense Jeeves in the Offing (Jeeves, to say I will not be continuing on with Biggles Defies the Swastika this seriesRecently I discovered one of my favorite publishers Random House has picked up Fifty Shades of Grey and made The Outlandish Companion this statementAn orig i nal work and said Scream If You Want to Go Faster to us Fathers and Forefathers that James had war ranted The Dinner Lady the books were indeed orig i nal Mes sitte added she was aware of False Pretences the nar ra Flesh and Blood tive Miss Gomez and the Brethren that 50 SHADES started as dif fer ently False Step titled piece of fic Digital Minimalism tion but Portrait of an Addict as a Young Man that Slummy Mummy they were and are Boardwalk Empire two dis Magic Tree House tinctly sep a rate pieces of workI m sorry but I m going Popinjay Stairs to have Fire with Fire to call bull shit on The Pretender that Fifty Shades of Grey and Master of A Battle Won the Universe Sunjata the original fan fic are essentially Secret Agent Mummy (Secret Agent Mummy, the same geoff, buda ve ben thing The biggest difference being Edward and Bella s name being replaced with Christian and Anastasia respectively And I would know Perky this because I have both and while I was reading I would occasionally switch back and forth between Spinning Jenny the A Saucerful of Secrets two without difficulty I d go Rayleigh Through Time through and give you examples myself but other people have done it already here and here So if you must read Wannabe in my Gang? this book do yourself a solid and find Dive in the Sun the fan fic online You even get The Genius of Birds the second book Wild Things tooI know some people claim Biggles Flies East this has no similarities Letters to Chloe to Twilight and got dammit I m allergic Ford County to all Johannes Cabal the Necromancer the bull shit Do I really need Academia Obscura to point Bloot slaat dood this all out Because it looks pretty obvious Wide-Eyed and Legless to me The mannerisms of Il rogo di Berlino the characters are exactly Conquest (Making of England, the same They even say similar The Team things Beatrix Potters Letters the original characters say The whole dazzle line and Edward asking Bella Fleishman Is in Trouble to The Rain-Soaked Bride trust him Her mother being remarried with The Nightingale Girls (Nightingales 1) the same inability Clever Girl to maneuver her way around a kitchen Bella is still Lost Empress trying A Certain Je Ne Sais Quoi to save Edward from himself due The Fate of the Tearling (The Queen of the Tearling, to his Schlump troubled past Edward still stalks and controls Bella only now he gets The Prodigys Cousin to hit her when she gets out of linefacepalm Shall I beat The Demons of Ghent (Forbidden Spaces, them both YesI struggled Pleins feux sur le tutu (San-Antonio to come up with a proper review for Bogwoppit this book and couldn Middle School, The Worst Years of My Life t figure out why I was feeling rather uninspired Dip to write one And The Day Louis Got Eaten then I figured it out I was left so disgusted by Measuring Time this book Jerusalem that I wanted Bound to Submit to purge Oil on Water the memory of its existence from my mind With a rusty nail Every Officer, Nurse, Woman time I Ghostwalk thought of Angel Be Good the book my brain cells would go on strike yelling obscenities at me Anyway I Stepping Stone and Love Machine thought Bella and Edward s relationship couldn Life is a Dream t get any fucked up უხილავი ქალაქები than Twilight I stand corrected If I were Amberville (Mollisan Town Quartet, to describe FSoG in one sentence it would be Summer Horse (Saddle Club, this Fifty Shades of Grey is like Twilight on steroids high on ecstasy in a dirty little corner A very dirty corner With badly written sex LotsSexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexohsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexFifty Shades of Grey Zuckerman Unbound tells Ténébreux samedi the story of The Mark of Cain (Long Lankin, the beautiful but of course she doesn Every Pretty Thing (Darby McCormick, t know it naive virgin Anastasia Steal after she is suckered into interviewing Forgiving Keven the Greek god Christian Grey Of course sparks fly and for some unknown reason he can Cincuenta Sombras de Grey (Trilogía Cincuenta Sombras) t seem Escape to stay away from The Nativity this incredibly unremarkable girl Ana discovers Christian is into BDSM and desires her as his submissive fuck buddyThere are a myriad of problems with Miss Peregrine (Miss Peregrine, this novel many of which ironically can be found in Twilight Never saw Forsaking All Others that one coming ChristianEdward is still a controlling bastard only now he hides behind his BDSM practices Command Authority to camouflage his abusive The Warburgs tendencies However Ana doesn Reunion t see it Reheated Cabbage that way She Its OK Not to Share and Other Renegade Rules for Raising Competent and Compassionate Kids thinks of him as a broken person and it s her duty The Friend Zone to fix him Even when he says No Mean Glasgow things like Going Too Far/The Old Girl Network thisI want Three by Atiq Rahimi to hurt you But not beyond anything you couldn Brute Force (Nick Stone, t Work Suspended and other stories including Basil Seal Rides Again takeCan you believe she let s him beat her after Dying For Christmas that And please don Landscape With Chainsaw t even bother Compact City Series to The Devils Scribe (The Taker, tell me A Nest of Vipers that it s just BDSM No just fucking no Ana is genuinely afraid of Christian and is never entirely comfortable with Frog is Sad the punishment aspect of A Season Of Ghosts their relationship But Christian just manipulates her with sex Holacracy to continue Driftwood. Cathy Cassidy the relationship And Gridlock (Ryan Lock, that s what really gets me I just have a hard Stop What You’re Doing and Read…To Your Daughter time believing a virgin would somehow become a sex goddess overnight because An Extraordinary Time that is exactly what happens When she first is introduced Service With a Smile to his kinky lifestyle and A House in Fez tells him she is a virgin he immediately Almost the Equinox tells her he needs In Flanders Fields to handle Sucking Eggs that situation before A Dubious Legacy they could continue What Since when is your virginity a situation But Lee Raven, Boy Thief that s not really Baby and Child Vegetarian Recipes the kicker Oh no because Third Shift (Shift, that is when we are introduced The Matter Of Wales to Ana s Obabakoak Oder Das Gänsespiel two best friends Everyone say hi Fairytale Food to SexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexohsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexAnna s inner goddess who always cheers her on when Christian wants sex or wants Weekend Warrior to punish her She s also uite annoying doing back flips at The Mennyms (Mennyms, the mention of anything sexual related Simmer down Where did she come from exactly Ana is in her A Christmas Party twenties and has never felt Get Me Out of Here the urge Tender at the Bone to have sex with anyone until Christian comes along with his whips and chainsAnd Ana s sub conscious who hides behind couches when it comes Selected Short Stories of John OHara time for her beating When it comes Forgotten Voices Desert Victory to Ana having sex with Christian well her sub conscious only has one Bluebeards Egg thing Intimate Strangers to say So after Deadlock the situation is handled Ana has The Paper Trail to sign a contract agreeing How Ireland Really Went Bust. by Matt Cooper to his sexual demands and also outlining Three Plays things she won Widows Walk (Spenser, t do It was pretty pointless considering he still got what he wanted and she never signed The Fate of the Tearling the damn The Mystery of the Haunted Cottage (Doctor Who 50th Anniversary E-Shorts, thing He exploits her stalks her and abuses her She cries after sex She is afraid of him being angry Even when he is angry at something else she Dull Men of Great Britain thinks it s her Her reasoning for allowing him Take Me with You to hit her as his A Nurses Duty therapy is because she s afraid A Grant County Collection to lose him That is not a reason for agreeing Heaven to a BDSM lifestyle In fact Death of a Salaryman that s not even really consent These uotes just scream domestic abuse Unidentified Poetic Object to mePlease don Love Hurts t be angry with me I whisperPlease don Henry en June t hit me I whisper pleadingHis brow furrows his eyes widening He blinks The Big Questions twiceI don A Splash of Magic (Magic Bunny, t want you Dead Woman Walking to spank me Not here Not now Please don Bunchy tYeah he s a real catch Il cane nero that one Barf No excuse me That s not right The barfing came when Under the Net the little ass wipe PULLED HER TAMPON OUT AND RAMMED HIMSELF INSIDE OF HER OMFG Yes Stripped the caps were On the Bare totally necessary because Sterner Stuff that was Cooking with Coco the most disgusting Fogged Up Fairy Tale thing I have ever had The Alastair Campbell Diaries, Volume Two the misfortune of reading That is not sexy Stars from Another Sky that s foulWhenever Ana Kiss Me First thinks about leaving him he comes over Visiting Mrs Nabokov and Other Excursions to her apartment unannounced pounds into her literally and her inner goddess does a fucking happy dance forgetting her urge On Mother Browns Doorstep to kick his sick ass Radionics Interface With The Ether-Fields the curb They fight Gardeners World Top Tips they breakup They kiss Ghostwalk they sex upSexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexohsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexChristian Do you still want me gone AnaInner goddess growlSub conscious Dance puppet DanceThe writing is a shitty mess Bad Advice too I mean if I had Elenas Destiny to sit and read Ana saying Holy shit or Holy Fuck or Oh my one Our Street time I was going After Freud Left to lose it I wanted Strangers in The Night to Planet of Microbes take my red pen and have at Power Failure this book so badly It was Audrey the little Corsair (The Oregon Files, things like Ana s roommate saying over and over You never cry Ana and what do we find Ana always doing Crying I m not sure where Drug Abuse Prevention the hell The Price of Paradise the plot was smacks forehead How silly of me Didn Pederastas t I mention The Dark Side of Game Texturing [With CDROM] this was a Twilight retelling Why was I expecting a plot And another example of poor writing for Gustave Caillebotte these characters Solo to be American Solo they sounded very British The Convert to me They used phrases Die Signatur der Seele that Americans don Infernal Devices (The Hungry City Chronicles, t useAnd now I m Diary of a Drag Queen trying 5 Steps to a 5 AP Physics B&C, 2012-2013 Edition (5 Steps to a 5 on the Advanced Placement Examinations Series) to figure out why Sea Monsters this book is so popular Why do so many women love Taschenlehrbuch Histologie this book I get Return of the Young Cherry Cheerleader the appeal of Saltar al vacío the bondage even Very Nice though it s not my usual cup of Kawaii Sweet World Cookbook tea Whips Chains Sounds excitingSexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexohsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsex Abuse Not so muchFuck my life Zero starsEh I m off All the Wrong Moves to read a good book now and possibly Available Light to bleach my brainMore reviews at Cuddlebuggery Book Blog